On many days ago
I'd watch the nights run by
Through loud wrecks
or TV sets
I only sat benign
Until one day I realized today was today
and that tomorrow had never come
I sit waiting, glancing
seeing the beginning lying lame
It cried "Oh sir, please help,
I have truley run astray
I left you there 8 months ago
and agreed to meet this day"
"With whom you meet?" I questioned
Taking him as the devil's lies
For would somthing so weak
Somthing I kept in my pocket
Be mocking me in it's demise
Or Was it by my divice that led me here?
For through lazyness I met peace
In hope I check my pockets
Then I look near
Only then through my incompetence
Had the beginning left me here
Peace Amongst Times of Trouble
5/13/99; 9:35PM
Why is itThat we must always seek the past
For futures told
More like fool's gold
But some pasts arn't even of that worth
Like times of trouble
Than I once suffered
But no things are ever that bad
So I went to a land
A place far away
Though troubles linger
I become enlightened and free
For this place I had yearned to go
Much better than this land of gold
At last, a place I'm not known
For the only good time that year
Good fortune struck
I made new friends
Lost new foes
And found a place for me
Of course in a week's notice
I learned it cannot be
A place I must have left
A place I yearn once more
So may I once again dwell
On times of trouble no more
5/14/98; 12:47 PM
The hearth glowsIt always has
It always will
But never have I watched it
Many times I've heard it
Many more it's glow
Those sweeping colors of crimson
Tinted with a little gold
Small cakes cook within
Soon to be turned to swords
Liquid rocks boil within
Soon for the waste of war
Never have I thought a sight so beautiful
Could be turned into somthing so cold
A light, so peaceful
Be turned to the waste of war
But such is the hearth
And it shall soon die
7/26/98; 12:05 AM
A dark menacing bookLying on the table
So fearsome the shadows run away
I dare not read it
I dare not see it
For within my darkest secrets lay
I dare not touch it
I dare not smell it
In the case that I slip
And drop it on the floor
Many a child have querried
Of that befuddled tome on the table
Stupid children they are to ask
So I slap their wrist
And implore them to go home
But a curious child crept past my eyes
And say beside the book
I turn, too late, to see him
I scream and rant and taunt and squeel
as I beg him not to look
Poor child he was
Still deaf, like me
He opened the book
Eyes prying to see dark secrets
But disapointed was he
And ashamed was me
For the book was empty
7/26/98; 12:22 AM
I am the wisest of wiseI am the boldest of bold
And the most traveled of all
For most seagulls can’t migrate to heaven
Or any other good place for that matter
Yes, that’s right, I’ve been to heaven
I have been taught all the secrets
From telepathy to perfect flight
From metamorphosis to enhanced sight
And now, I will do the kindest thing of all
I shall write a book
How to be a Perfect Seagull
And everyone will want it
Revisit you loved ones
Regain your sight
Loose lots of weight
Relive that night
Begin again
Restart again
Keep dreams in your head
Stay from the land of the dead
I know people will get mad
These are secrets
That like many
No one should have
Doesn’t matter to me though
I’m going to be rich!
9/29/98; 5:05 PM
I am sitting shiveringOn a cold winter night
The clouds sparse
The night gloomy
I know things will never be right
Inside they party
Drinking all their wine
Good friends
Good foes
Gathered ‘round the table to dine
While having merry old time
They knew me once
They knew me well
But now all is forgotten
Do they dislike me?
I haven’t the foggiest
For you can’t hate what you don’t know
Now I sit on a curb
On a mournful snowless night
The door opens
And the patrons walk out
Those who were friends of mine
That is until they found something better
And quickly left me behind
9/29/98; 5:21 PM
Light seeped through the treesRevealing the lifeless much below
Why they asked
In a dream in a dream
Best to shrug and not know
People ask too many questions
For this I’m fairly sure
Why then must they all be directed towards me?
I don’t know everything
Though many people think I must
They beat and weather my mind
Like a mountain becoming dust
I wish it was so slow
My mind begins to tear
Back and forth and to and fro
Like a madman’s scissors
Cutting through the air
Scrutiny follows me
Wherever I go
So bad that I question myself
Should muck so lifeless
Appear in my dreams
Could this be a sign?
Honestly, I’d rather not know
10/26/98; 7:03 AM
Withering thoughts besiege meNever have I lost
But while striving for success
I never realized the cost
Now that I am great
Life has become a bore
Just sitting at my desk
Skimming forgotten lore
I have retired myself
From receiving new delight
Just for lower hours
And this higher paying plight
Only now do I see it
Only now will I try
To leave this boring job
Then really try to fly
11/4/98; 5:38 PM
Wishful thinkingLoosing myself in my distress
Constant tinkering
Never did I think it best
To hold that thought
Those kind that persist
Just for another night’s rest
Beautiful people
Life is nothing more than jest
Pretty making
With followers leading two abreast
Days and nights of wondering
Of where they really went wrong
As if happiness was found in a throng
Next the sky a morning gray
The sun oh what a sight
Raining answers
From those who think they got it right
But can’t they see
Is wishful thinking their only guest?
Or is it just a clotted mind
Like the ones they call the rest
??/??/98; ?:?? ?M
Needy thing and never thinkFor what we could have done
Anyone could’ve wished
For what nobody had done
Please, never no
Never haven’t
For these wishes we only try
Memories of poor old souls
Only make us cry
For when everybody forgets somebody
And nobody even tried
He just takes a long walk home
With his only hope awry
He never found friendship
Who is everyone any ways?
And what’s it all to him
This forgotten soul
When someone thought him naught
11/9/98; 5:28 PM
To glory do we sailOur night of victory will be grand
And oh, the glee of winning
And your love’s gentle hand
Birds flock across the sky
Hoisting their hopes and dreams
But now with grand schemes
They will be flying with you and me
Tomorrow’s sunrise will come
But what does it hold?
A merry thought of days past
Like pure glistening gold?
But what of the pains that brought you here
Will anyone really care
For the remains of this horrible strife
May simply be too much to bear
Oh forget it all, it’s over now
Let the pain go away
For the night will be full or merry making
On this celebration day
11/9/98; 5:37 PM
Not to the beggarsNot to the homeless
But never all to me
For something so worldly
Was never meant to be
Another time
Maybe now
But definantly not tomorrow
For something so worldly
Could only bring me sorrow
Never again
Never the less
For what is and what should never be
For something so worldly
Has only brought more pain than glee
Maybe nest time
Probably soon
Will I be changed again
For something so worldly
Would only benefit my kin
11/10/98; 10:18 PM
Today I saw itWhat a beautiful sight
This breath taking view
Brought my joy to light
Sure, it was small
Insignificant to some
But I picked up my pen
And let my thoughts come
You may think I’m crazy
Most assuredly I am
What is there to say though
I’m just a man
So I started to write
Six senses joining
But as I got farther along
My eyes stopped glowing
Blast! It’s writer’s block
Coming back to haunt me
I was feeling distressed with disgust
Being caught on one knee
So I got up and looked
But all the images were lost
Cursed be this disease
Like winter’s final frost
What did I do?
I got bored of course
So I went to my friend’s house
And we went riding a horse
Oh friend, thank you
For getting me out of this funk
For a friend in need is a friend indeed
And this could have really stunk
But tomorrow is a new day
What road shall I take
Of this I’m not sure
It can’t be easy and straight
Oh, the trials of life
What would I do without them
I think I’ll sit and write a spell
And try to forget about them
11/18/98; 6:15 PM
Me?What is wrong with me?
No…
What is wrong with you?
My feelings bundled
So long some how
Now I truly can't stand them
And another thing
You lead a perfect life
You say so any way
To that absolutely not!
I can only tell you
Perfection is for naught
Only better can be
What good fortune brought
I long to belong
Can you hear me?
Can they hear me?
Most assuredly no
There are these people
Many who call me friends
Yet I pass them in the halls
Maybe on a stroll
And 99% of them don't fringe
Not even a polite hello, a howdy doody
Nothing of the sort
Just an ice cold stare
Trying to look away
Like there is some obscene parasite
That they think I bear
They befriend me
Supposedly so any way
Why? If they don't befriend me
They can't each other
Most certainly this is so
But time passes
And off they go
While a loud voice yells
On with the show
Friends! Who are they?
What are they?
Does anyone really care?
I do…yes, little old me
Sitting antisocially in the corner
Is it by my choice, sometimes yes
For how dumb witted I am
Other times I stand in the crowd
Trying to converse
Then no one seems to care
Are they really my friends?
No, but it is nice to think so
They plunder and pillage
Rape my soul
I must say
They are relatively cold
Doing all the actions I despise
Man, do I keep bad company
But only a boy is I
For I lack the opportunity
You over there I call to him
Only "shut up" does he reply
Even an instinctive yap as such
Can bring one to their demise
Oh what it is to be cool
Oh to be smart, oh to be loved
Please forget the misunderstood
Such novel ideas aren't welcome
This day and age
Oh what it is to be trendy
Do I have true friends, yes
Do I treat them as such, no
It is merely a game
We talk and b.s. and get along
But never do we relate
Why do we strut our obligations
Throw it out the second story window?
We talk and we talk
We try to relate
Yet, when they need me most
I'm always late
But they tend to keep me
In the same state
You, the reader
Of this writing you won't take
I know you won't
You could care less
Go on! Get a clean slate
Nothing of the sort for me
Writing is my therapy
I know you're rolling on the floor
Laughing at me, running for the door
Fine, leave me
I'll talk to the wall
Such a crazy fool I am
Why should you care?
Don't you have your own life
My pain is more than you could bear
Leave, go, I don't want you here
My pain is self-enduced
I can only criticize
But I hate it when people do the same
So I only criticize myself
It only hurts all the more
If it is someone else's lies
People who taunt, rant
And get away with it
Do not deserve respect
Life can be defined in this term
"How low can you go?"
Sometimes any way
But it only works for others
People who need never got
What people who want have
But to need is to want
And to want is to have
I must say
This situation is rather sad
There I go again
Shortchanging myself
If only for a moment
Even though I humble myself
Others will only condone it
Maybe condemn it
Maybe not, I don't really care
Neither do they of course
They never care to share
Just another day
What good fortune brought?
I didn't find it
Just another day
It only hurt the more
But I only try to hide it
Just another day
You could care less
Tomorrow, probably the same
Just another day
If only for a moment
Will this pain go away
Just another day
Don't you have your own life?
You'd like it better than mine
Just another day
I must say
I wish things would go my way
12/1/98; 11:58 AM
Time stands stillSometimes
Time heals
Sometimes
But it can leave us with regret
So we search a second sect
And all our hopes and dreams
Are laid waste in a wreck
Time for a friend
Time for a song
Time to make merry
All night long
Sure, me? Maybe,
Then again I couldn't stop
A childhood friend from getting shot
Oh there's a hole in my soul
Time left it there
I beg it be not for naught
But no one really cared
No one tried as they might
To try to make me smile
But all of this pain
All the while
Has left me with time to kill
12/3/98; 5:02 PM
I sit in my thinking spotNot thinking, wondering
Why, if, how, and which
It doesn't make much difference
It doesn't make much sense
For if I could have thought
About with whom I'd stop
Then imagination I'd need not
Could it be? Should it be?
Would have I brought it?
But towards here I wondered
To this frivolous blunder
Spotted, dashed, and speckled
Never flickered but wrought
But I could've, but I didn't
So I told them to get with it
That was 4 years ago
I hated it a lot
But in order to forget
I sit in my thinking spot
12/17/98; 8:40 AM
A treeA good tree
A dead tree
That's what this season is
And even if it were with pines
This season brings much demise
Winter the white
Winter the cold
Winter the butcher
How the trees lost their leaves I cannot say
For I can't go outside and play
Nary a worry
Nary a trouble
Nary a cup of hot cocoa
If this season is what it was
Then I'm in quite some trouble
If you think
If you thought
If you shot a mongoose
You may have to wait many a day
For 'tis not quite the season
12/17/98; 8:47 AM
Sleeping catWorrying cat
Happy cat
Sad cat
Playful cat
Biting cat
Scratching cat
Annoying cat
Cute cat
Adorable cat
Frisky cat
Jubilant cat
Innocent cat
Joyful cat
Thankful cat
Mad cat
Crazy cat
Suicidal cat
Sleepy cat
Rabid cat
Jumping cat
Territorial cat
Bellowing cat
Singing cat
Eating cat
Sleeping cat
12/18/98; 7:29 AM
Yesterday's troubles were once today'sTomorrow's worries could be worse
But worry not tomorrow
Nor about your mistakes from yesterday
Just concern
With the fun you'll have today
I couldn't have thought
That you didn't want
Any kind of special thought
Nor any consideration
For anything that you had done
To make you the one
The sought after
Of course it doesn't help
That you remain obnicient
Listening and knowing what everyone has to say
And make short comments after
You sat when you tried to converse
You stood when you tried to listen
But you never really cared
When things started to hasten
You live in the past too much
Preparing for the future too little
So you're still confused
Weather today is tomorrow
1/6/99; 7:00 AM
Of course you felt itYou said you didn't
You deny what must have happened
You still will have to worry
About what's with it
Or maybe not
You're quite a liar
You're great at shredding books
Or throwing them on a fire
So you work for the government now
What a surprise
To work for a monstrocity
You have to lie
You must bicker
Over the slightest things
As long as you're reelected
You'll go do great things
You'll impeach presidents
You'll controll the world
One of high diplomacy
What a bore, what a bore
1/6/99; 12:04 PM
A cold tableSitting on a stone
Gleaming in the sunlight
But chilling to the bone
I have no desire
To trouble with this chill
I'd rather do something else
Like drinking my fill
It's very lovly
To see ice cicles in the sun
To see the ground graced with frost
Even though I'd prefer none
A wonderful thought
To beg for the sun
To unfreeze the chilled
After the day is done
Do you ask for what
A frost-bite delight
Three rooms down the hall mister
We don't want you in our sight
1/7/99; 7:20 AM
Another little dayDuring a long night
A mountain fell
And there was lots of light
Everything was nice and toasy warm
Unfortunantly I felt a pain
Sort of like a thorn
Tell me now winds
From which direction did this come?
There was just a little rain
Blocking out the sun
So I traveled the way
The winds did tell me
To bad I met a beast
That may have ended this story
What a beast it was
The fiend of indecision
There was a fork in the road
And I was late for dinner
I met an always lying man
He lead me to a river
So now I'm deading home again
Or just in the wind's direction
1/7/99; ?:?? ?M
So we couldn't have worried much moreWe had an army chasing us
A maelstrom of dogs
Chasing after cats
That were chasing after rats
Who were chasing the chickens
That were chasing after us
What a predicament indeed
So we hopped over logs
Jumped through fiddle sticks
And had as much fun as we could
We never knew if we would
But we did
Even if we lost five from our ranks
The chickens caught the dogs
After the dogs caught the cats
When the cats caught the rats
Who had just mauled a billy-goat
Our men fell in a ditch
We hid in a tree
Those men in a ditch were real dumb
They were eaten by the flies
Who was eaten by a rabbit
That ate the chickens
1/8/99; 10:11 AM
If I thought I could have made itBut I didn't want to break it down
I would have tore it down
Stomped it down with my right foot
Of course you'd try to build it again
Built it all up without a friend
But that's just the wrong way
You need help
A helping hand
A nice friend
To open a can of Spam
Of course you'd try to take off her shirt
I don't know what it's worth
But I know you don't have friends any ways
I know what you want
Just 5 pretty girls in your bed at once
But you don't have that money you horny fuck
You're fucked in the head, just stuck in the head
You're just not worried about it
Now I know you're a little lonely
I know those books can't be your only way of life
But you don't want to change it
You are sorely content
To just resent the establishment
You just wish they'd all go away
I know you'll be the same tomorrow
Just pop it open and drink the bottle dry
And you don't really know why
You live your life like clockwork
And work's one thing you don't like to do
You're just going to be slacker-boy again
1/11/99; 12:18 PM
Tell everyone what you want to tell themMaybe then they will go away
Until then I'll enjoy them
And have a relatively big party
Today someone tried to manipulate me
Into making their decision
I brought him to indecision
And maybe misdirection
I just didn't want him to cloud my vision
I wouldn't mind what he said
Not at all
Only I wish to do it my way
Not his, that's all
I told him not to worry, just wait
He grew rather impatient
We forgot to relate
Before I knew it
He was out the door
Next thing you know I'm rather bored
Now I sit and I think
Not what to do but how to do it
I was one stop ahead of him anyway
While that poor guy missed class today
All writings are copyright of Chris Ward 1998-1999