1/15/99; 11:01 AM
If you could've never wantedWhat you shouldn't have gotten
Then you might want to go away
There may be some paranoia among you
I know you aren't very descrete
But you want to manipulate
Rather love than to hate
But you know it won't be the same
You may have thought
Another one, another shot
You already had 19
They put you in home
You sat there all alone
By yourself, with a moan
You would never be the same again
I think you may wonder why
Life can be one great lie sometimes
Another day, another night
Another wrong, another right
If only you knew where to begin
1/15/99; 11:15 AM
It's funny how sometimes in lifeWe may not always get what we want
You, you have what plenty want
But you only wish you were someone else
I may seem strange
About all of these days
And how they could've been
I've known you for many years
Maybe eight or nine or ten
But if it were different
Where would we be now
We grew together like stepping stones
Entwined and twisting through the yard
Broke the same bones
No need to worry now though
You can always rest
Your life is going fine now
You have always been quite the best
Stay confident and true
You have quite a way to go
But knowing how you handle things
You're already on the right road
1/20/99; 9:39 PM
The door openedA thin glare of light beamed in
I heard moaning down the hall
Not that I wasn't interested
But it slipped my mind
Until that voice began to call
Shrills, shrieks, and shudders,
All of the most painful pain
They were piercing and putrid
But pitiful all the same
It was that glowing voice
That rang like a bell
It was that sweet aroma
With a pungent smell
And as the battle ax
Crushed the crown of thorns
I looked with my eyes
And wished there was more
If only I had come sooner
I probably would've seen it
But after a quick contemplation
I decided it was best to leave it
1/21/99; 6:56 AM
Tell me why you can't be so kindAs to tell me
What you tell everyone else
I have this strong feeling of dejection
With a small dash
Of ultimate rejection
Put on your coat
Put on your hat
You'd leave me to burn
And you'd like it just like that
You hang with your cronies
Way too much
I wonder sometimes
Why you can't hang with someone else
Are you too weak
Or are you too strong
As soon as you find something good
You wish it was gone
You want to stay, you want to go
But many times you really don't know
You've gone insane
It serves you right
So just wonder the streets
In the middle of the night
1/21/99; 8:06 AM
A flickering lightRises in the sky
As we watch
The light blinds our eyes
A pale orange falls over the land
The crickets stop chirping
They're glad they can
The night was long
The night was wet
It rained last night
But now the sun is set
The east horizon glows
The dark retreats
A new day is born
And we're only just awakening
One small worry
Nevertheless
I woke up a little late
Too bad I overslept
1/21/99; 11:43 AM
Of all the people wonderingWhat's going on in the world
Who care about what's coming
Or if cows are in a herd
Does anyone really listen
To what everyone has to say
If anyone could wonder
Why tomorrow is after today
Does anyone really care for imagination
If not then we're in a bad situation
If I sit and think in a spot
About why pigeons carry rocks
Tell me if people agree with my thoughts
If a small skipping stone
Down a lake went awry
Would anyone care to catch it
While it flies
Or would it sink down the bottom of a well
Now tell me if this isn't very swell
A small little rooster sings while the gales are high
But since no one care to listen then my conscious is blind
But many people don't like it when I think that way
If that's so then I'd rather be insane
1/21/99; 1:20 PM
If you could worryAbout if things are doing well
Then tell me if you'd like to be felled
For a fallen comrade
Or a worried little trouble
Would you be so kind
As to help a poor troubled fellow
I was fishing one day
In a rather small sea
I caught a large fish
But it escaped me
Not because it broke my line
Only because no one wished to help me
They didn't have time
So I lost my fish
And I had no dinner
Don't people degrade others who grow thin?
I'm not quite obese
But I'm almost like a stick
And because you keep nagging
I've become very sick
I lay in my bed
Looking at the ceiling
It's chipping slowly
And is becoming very boring
1/22/99; 7:21 AM
There was one strange dayWhen it started raining sand
Even though it hurt
It wasn't so bad
The beaches got a coast
The Blacks got a roast
And even if brown was cascaded all around
At least I know I can still see the ground
My feet tread
Where water once flowed
The sand continued raining
And I almost drowned
Down it went, and down I went
Only for these little grains did I have no choice
Many tried to hurry
But their cars were stuck
They cursed the sand
But the rain wouldn't stop
It kept on going and the oceans were full
And it didn't let up until it made a sad brown world
It wouldn't want to stop
After it did just start
The big brown rain just couldn't stop
So I went into my house to take cover
The rain didn't stop and I did shiver
1/26/99; 2:04 PM
My girlfriend has a cute little faceToo bad she's lost her place
She don't know quite where to go
Or what to do
And she can't use that oversaid phrase
I love you
My girlfriend
She is a stick
But when we talk she thinks she's a blimp
Oh no, please don't cry
I want to see you smile when I say goodbye
But please when your days are done
I tried my best to have fun
Maybe you didn't like it
Maybe you liked it a lot
But you looked really shot
Now you say go away, I hate you
I don't want it to end this was
And even though you say you hate
I doubt you've ever before
Hate like love its just a word to you
But you little hollow tree
You meant something to me
But now I'm gone
And you'll be lost for good
1/26/99; 2:14 PM
Building blocks left on a hillSome child's small dream was left there
He almost had a nice belief
Then the recess bell
It rang
A loud beep
It could be heard down the street
Down the halls
All along the school ground
He left it there all alone
It stood in the wind
But fell to the cold
In deep dark rage
He left his unfinished business
He left his blocks on the hill
Hoping to get back to them
And during class
His mind is distracted
Little blocks falling down
And building a structure
And the boy came back
His blocks were gone
Some heartless thief
Knew his dream all along
He took his blocks
And built a house
A stolen brickmound
With locked windows and shutters
Enraged the boy went home
But only to get better blocks
1/29/99; 10:11 AM
A faucet in a bathroomIn a toilet far away
Was turned off after many drippings
Kept the man going along
And so he stoop up
And walked out of the room
Down the halls, out the door
But forgot to wear his shoes
He opened his umbrella
When it was raining slightly
He ran down the hill
And opened his coffer rightly
But his cubbord was empty
After his belly had been filled
So he ran across the corssroads
And did it all over again
He liked his sandals
But he always wore his shoes
He wasn't happy when the sun was out
To brighten up his gloom
So he went down the street
And he got to the store
After he drank five
He bought four more
2/11/99; 6:33 PM
Isn't it nice to knowThat you aren't love so
That you aren't the object of affectoin
These are children's desires
But what if someone woke up
And found the world had nothing for them
Would that person die right there
Or would he fall asleep again
What would you do in this situation
Give up on a world without hope?
Would you try to find what you lost
Or give up and be done with it
I'm sure you are troubled
You've felt a pain like this before
A pain so similar in fact
That it began to awake once more
The bellows are open and the ducts are full
Why don't you wish to cry?
It took you all this time
To figure out my life's a lie
2/11/99; 6:50 PM
"Oh no, not again!" you shoutas you fall from that tree
you curse it while you're on the ground
may I remind you what you did to me?
You belittle me as you hate me
You slap me back and forth
You hated my guise as well as my guile
No matter how pitiful I looked
But I can only laugh
For I know you'll get your just reward
Now you thrust your arm towards me
You truly seek assitance
But as I help you in kind hearted kindness
You sling me to the ground
You stand over me now
Pointing your finger in glee
But before you go to leave me alone
You just had to spit on me
Someone saw what was going on
They ran to the authorities
You wanted to settle this once and for all
Or at least go down fighting
You lunge towards me with a knife
I smile as I draw my sword
You wince in pain as you got what you asked for
You got your just reward
2/22/99; 1:24 PM
It was dark in a roomOn an autumn winter's eve
I looked around the shady spots
All hiding under the tree
Withdrawn was I from all of this
But oh the pleasure of the sight
Wonderful birds chirping
Colorful incects grabbing my sight
Still withdrawn from all of this
I only wished for more
But I was locked in my room
The lights were off
The windows open
And the blinds have been brought down
And even the sight of all these free things
Raised my hopes of leaving this town
I didn't like it
Not at all
This dreary place I lived
With such unloving company
Those that I call kin
Those who are happy to speak their mind
So to my room did I hide
Out the window I looked
Finding light in my dimmed room
Watching the squirrels and ants
As they prance about happily
All the more did I yearn for more
As my parents angerly beat the door
Hasten quick did they want me outside
"It's rake time!" my dad did cry
Reluctantly, I was pulled out
As my dad took on day's agression
But soon I run from him
Not to the hills
But to my room
Where my parents didn't want me
They banged on the door
But I wasn't in a hurry
Watching again
A new green yard
Graced by the warm spring light
As nature runs happily along
While I'm stuck in this plight
2/25/99; 12:50 AM
I was sitting in a roomNot a living room
Only the Physics room
The air was real stale
The windows? They weren't open
My stomach was filled with queeze
As I almost lost it on the floor
I almost cried "I can't take it anymore"
I'dbreak out of the room
If I could, but it wouldn't happen
It was lock down time
A code 117
I know that may sound as strange as it seems
It's just an excuse for this hypocracy
I tried to jump ou the window
The steel wiring kept me out
From the outside world I was thinking about
So I tried once again to pass my time
Physics class is really boring when your grades are fine
The bell will ring in 20 minutes
I can't take it anymore
Fortunantly we had an assymably
And I was let go
2/26/99; 2:03 PM
Get your hands off meYes, you heard me right
Get away from me
You can't influence me
Even if I'm in the brig tonight
You've chased me for days
I've lead you into lies
It always has been the same
You think I'm trailer trash
Getting all the little boys drunk
You've chased me for days
'cause you thought I really stunk
You thought I laundered smut
Yes you thought I was the same
You never thought it the same
Yes you were the hawk
That swooped around the block
And I know you hated it
So you just chased after me
Someday, you will feel sorry
You will be the saddest thin of all
The lowly stones will laugh at you
Yes, they will laugh all right
As you trip and fall again
3/5/99; 7:10 AM
If you ever worry that nothing will happenThen you better get over it
It ain't happening again
No next time, so sorry
What could've you done
You might have liked it a little more
Humored someone else by letting go
Humbled yourself by faking it
So that someone may have liked it
I know that tipping cows used to be fun
For almost everyone you know
But you got bored
Then worried, wondering what to do
So you left to go on a vacation
And when you got back everything had changed
The women had beards
And the guys, they had never gotten paid
There was no second chance for you
They grew without you
And six weeks later
They had forgotten what to say
3/5/99; 7:23 AM
The days and nightsThey pass away today
Interesting how a night can last all day
You sit by your window
Watching, waiting for someone to come by
You waited desperately
Until someone heard you cry
You cried really loud
Yes you cried and you yelled
You little baby
Someone came to save you
But only so they could abuse you
The next thing I know
I was running on the rock
What could I do?
I was there to raise the flocks
And maybe I took a wrong turn
Probably too soon
That would explain the predicament
So I ran in fast at high tide
I was trying to hide
From the pain this day had brought me
I watched the sunset in the morning hour
But it reminded me of that too
3/5/99; 11:05 AM
I went to the store one dayJust to get some cheese
Get some milk
And dairy related products like ice cream
But Win-Dixie bought Wall-Mart
And Food Lion sold out to Harris Teeter
And since I'm low on money
I'm better off with Circle K
I went in the store
The bell beeped twice
I looked around
And found liquor next to ice
The hot dogs sold for five
But the smokes were set for twenty
A small man behind the counter watched me
He was looking rather lonely
His dark eyes scared me
But I couldn't leave the store
It would be rude for a customer to leave
Without paying for some more
So I got my milk, I got my cheese
And other dairy products
My credit was over limit
But the cash I paid was modest
3/8/99; 12:29 PM
A day or two I found itIt was hard, It was rough
Another day or two I lost it
It was sad, it was tough
But maybe a worry with a little trouble
Can help this gleaming mess
Maybe I could try to find another one
Or maybe I'll just digress
Have you ever lost your pride
Loosing what you thought you could find
Another day, another night tomorrow
And maybe things will be all right
Sure you didn't see the way I had led you
It was better for you than for me
Another day I'll try it again and again
Maybe I'll get it, finally
For the next day
The next one who tries it
You're just too proud to find it true
You'll just try it again and again
But you may not get
What you thought that you wanted
Or what was coming to you
3/10/99; 11:38 AM
Door's closed and I lost the keyWhat a shame since no one was staying with me
I bummed on the street for one week
I wasted time for days
The work bells sounded
And I woke up
To check the papers for a place to stay
I could have wondered the streets
Like the bum that I was
But we all know I was too good for this
So why you ask?
Just because
I'm not angry
I'm just infuriated
With the ways of my life
But there isn't much I can do
This pain is the way of my strife
I smoked the week
I shot the stuff
I dumped my money on cocaine
Even if I lost my pain for five minutes
It was still here to stay
3/11/99; 8:52 AM
Mighty trees, majestic oaks of the woodsI demand you give me shade
Look, I'm human
And I'm your boss
Because I have two legs
Mighty trees, scruffy pines of the woods
I demand you get out of the way
I'm building a housing complex
To collect some rent
For giving people a place to stay
Mighty trees, tender poplars
You aren't very popular to me
You loose your leaves
That I must rake
By god! You're just a tree
Mighty trees, oh you sticky firs
You are the most annoying of them all
You drip your sap
As I pass you with my ax
By it, you will be the first to fall!
3/11/99; 12:43 PM
It's just you versus stupidityAnd you were up five
But idiocy came back
And caught you from behind
You try to fight it
You try to hide it
But you are too dumb to run from it
You're too stupid to stop being stupid
Yes you're too dumb but you're out of luck
"Don't blame me! I'm stupid!"
Ain't an excuse no more
As you run into a pole
After avoiding the hole
Someone reaches to help you
But your shoes are stuck in the mud
You're lying on the ground
Tough luck bud
It's just you versus stupidity
But you've got no game
The blind led the blind
And now you're caught lame
You're stuck, you're lost, and you're really hurt
It's okay though
You didn't know it could get worse
3/15/99; 12:44 PM
I'm just talking to myselfAnd no one else
So don't look at me so strange
Don't listen to what you don't want to hear
Don't forget what I told you
And please don't listen
I'm sure you don't like me
You said you never want to talk to me again
I know you'll forget about it tomorrow
Forget about all the pain that I've caused
And all that you have lost
Just don't come crying to me
You blamed me, you said you'd sue me
Get your lawyer in his spiffy suit and spank me
And then you'll laugh
You'll laugh at me and the way I talk
And just laugh at me and the way I walk
You'll just laugh your troubles away
You'll look back at this day
And see how little it was worth
You made fun of me but at least I could take it
And you'll cry at all the pain you've caused
And you'll cry at all the life you've lost
Yes, please huddle in your little corner and cry the day away
All writings are copyright of Chris Ward 1998-1999