6/9/99; 11:56 AM
Tear down all the buildingsThey obstruct my view
I'm tired of seeing them
Civilization has scarred the land
Things are sad and I'm not glad
Such a lovely place put to waste
The rain enters from the west
And gray cascades the mountains
Such a lovely view of a scarred land
Is obstructed once again
Don't think it's the buildings
It is not their fault
Just a human mind for war
Is what gave them their start
And I know if human aesthetics
Had not touched the mountain side
Most certainly would've life continued by
So tear down the building
They obstruct our view
Of the beauty of the mountains
That once was true
Eons ago these mountains
Were as gray as the rain
But the trees gave things a place to stay
But now that we practiced our crafty ways
The fields are now where things must stay
7/2/99; 1:30 AM
Car doors slammed closed for my slow ride homeEverything has been taken from me
Not by the prime suspect
No, that would be too easy
More like an old acquaintance
Who had left for a while
And decided to come bug me again
The car starts, yellow light, red light
As we try to figure out where to go
We do not know which way is home
We know where it is
But the air is tinted with a summer night's chill
Green, and we rush on ahead
Or as fast as 45mph would take us
What a law-abiding citizen the driver was
Too bad we got stuck again
Yellow, then red, figures
But this time it struck, like an ice-cold fork
Chilling the coldest reaches of my body even more
My heart was bleeding
Green, again I am jolted
Another intersection departed
And I see the light ahead
It has been green for a while now
Fate, never the friend, always the fiend
Yellow light, red light
I stopped and it went for the kill
And before I knew it there was a void in my soul
That no human could have put there
A part of me has just been ripped out
And the wound doesn't want to heal
It enjoys this newfound sorrow
My blood dripping sparatically and slow
A look ahead and before I knew it
The traffic lights were playing their devilish games
Stopping me as soon as I started
Leaving me for before
Stabbing, tearing, eating my soul
Only leaving me with a small and pitiful shred
7/5/99; 5:27 PM
Dreams fly much like birdsAnd like birds they fly very far
But when they land
It's over the horizon
And you'd never know it's there
Yes, it's gone again
My innocence and free thinking
Bequeathed to me
It's lost, and its not coming back
Or things won't be the same
Ignorance and ignoring
Why again do we forget?
But I know it doesn't matter
A distant laughing
In a land far away
But it doesn't care about me
So should I care what it says,
Even though it doesn't know me?
I'm just an affection-starved freak
It doesn't help me to know
That I'm not the center of the show
But that matter isn't going to change
7/13/99; 11:03 PM
A bite, nothing more than a nibbleThat was all it took to get me in a tizzy
I was dizzy, not wise and not right
My mind was shut tight to the world around
And what a stormy one it was
The last of the lights flickered out
As the snake's venom curdled through my blood
And my darkness is worry, pain, and sorrow
"Things that come in threes don't leave with ease."
My mother once said to me
But when you're in a fight
And losing much of what you held close in life
Where else should those things go?
I'm lying helpless after I fell down the stairs
And the frothy liquid keeps seeping in
Turning my leg hard as stone
And to the ugliest black imaginable
I look up with a wince of pain
Looking for someone to give me a hand
But I'm here alone with no such friend
I do see the instigator or my emotional fallout
Eagerly, he walks to me again
And as he delivers the kiss of death
There is more venom in my ear
7/23/99; 12:21 AM
Oceans, storming the sandsOf tides that rinse to and fro
Something so majestic
Is really unrelenting
It's growing to not go away
And what it might have done
It does again
Its cycles are ruled by the moon
And in those that it meets
That have had what I've had
They know their numbers are few
Never has a calendar date made my heart skip
Not even Christmas Eve
It's been two months since my love was affirmed
It had been there for a while
But finally the public could see it
I've learned to never hide something so true
Oceans, a body in the same
And I know what it holds
Seadwellers wonder what the surface is like
But land lovers wonder too
Ripples in the sea that are blocked
They are called waves
And being denied is man's only true shame
So behold what I've told you
Now hold it close
And don't let it slip away soon
With the sands at the beach
A child's dream built sandcastles
But the ocean has torn them down
The seas don't like what the land has built
But the children will try again
And even if just for a second
I could hold that dream in my head
The one the oceans will tear down
Feeling abound with my senses off the ground
Oh to know the feelings of dreams achieved
Tomorrow, it won't be there
The oceans reclaiming what is rightfully theirs
But one day I'll forget the violence
Of the ones from the sea
And the silence that transpired
I'll look back and there will be no overcast sight
Just a beautiful sandcastle
And the most wonderful delight
Second Impression on the First Chance
7/25/99; 5:52 PM
Of the bliss of knowing you missed your shotStrange indeed, for stories tell
That men who succeed never fail
But I know no life is faultless
I could've gone to Valhalla
A land of wonderful struggle
But I waited, got scared and missed
I tried again
For death in battle is quite honorable
But I didn't die
I was disappointed at first
I didn't get what I always wanted
My ticket to heaven
Was stolen by a dead man
Seclusion and pouting followed
And I never returned to the arena
But the days stopped being so rainy
Things were better
And I was able to wake at 5:30
Watching the sunrise was pleasing at one time
But now that the clouds are out of the way
My smile has come much quicker
8/1/99; 2:48 PM
Mean Mr. ScottA drill sergeant of a man
Doing what he can to ruin my day
Getting drunk on the lawn all day long
And barking at me for his convenience
He's quite a dog
That mean Mr. Scott
And only a select few see it
His associates say
He's the ideal businessman
Doing what he can
Letting no one get in his way
Mr. Scott is indeed the worst of the crop
Saying you should only love for looks
Earn money by triple checking your books
If he had a heart I'd call him heartless
That's just the man he is
Success is life's only goal
And the greenback is the key
But it's obvious what Mr. Scott doesn't know
Mr. Scott, can't you see?
You've driven your children off
And you drive your wife crazy
You're blind because you don't care
My dear Mr. Scott
You need to love more
Your family shouldn't be your worse investment
8/9/99; 11:03 PM
A tray by my tableReminds me of the food I just ate
Man, was that one disgusting plate
It had all this mushy stuff
Something squiggly resembling meat
Why can't they feed me through a tube?
I see the tray, but look above it
Past it, the purple sky of today's sunset
Overcastting that dreary reminder
Making me think for a while
I watched that entire sunset
So intently a nurse thought I was dead
That is until I told her "Get out of the way!"
I enjoyed my moments in the sun
As the sun set on the tray it blazed with fire
And the tray suddenly didn't looks so bad
I lost the thought of the food I had
For it was the sun's shining that made everything right
Made my life worth living
It brought my joy to light
Oh how hard it would be to live without the sun
And all it took was one ray
For my day to be won
8/12/99; 10:40 PM
Rings, pings and other thingsHit my head like a hammer
As I touch anything metallic
Before turning on the shower
A long warm shower it will be
I've been reading of murder all day
What hope I hold
Is this shower calms my nerves
And stops the pings in my back
Line three, page six
Already, my elbow begins to tingle
The preceding introduction is to blame
Twenty pages, have these publishers no shame?
But this price is meant for me
I, who run from the Berini Machine
More like "The Berini Sprocket"
I'm not running from here but IB
The monstrosity almost clamped its jaws
But I exited gracefully
That is, if you call gracefully running into the door
Now a beacon of light is before me
But it will have to wait
For I've sold my soul to AP courses
And thus have sealed my fate
8/13/99; 9:40 PM
Candle wicksOnce was will come again
I sing a song with my pen
By candlelight
Dimming my eyes quite nicely
Moons stars and sunshine
Mean nothing but the same to me
Luminescent luminaries
Lighting ground; shining through trees
And oh do the rustle
Melodies swaying in their footsteps
They dance, sing
Cry out joyously
The night owl swoops with glee
This night is a nice harmony
The scent is penetrating
Relaxing my lungs
Lighting by writing light can be blinding
In more ways than one
Dreams, wishes, hopes
Can be answered this post August summer night
But time runs out quickly
8/17/99; 9:31 PM
A bulletIts power can bring parents to their knees
Its potential make them disroughtfully distrustful
Pointing fingers at all who might lack sanity
They stare at me
Bewildered by my lonely appearances
Polls show that I'm prone to pull a gun
A poor childhood blackens my name
As does my tones and muse
My clothes make them suspicious
But it's my writing they fear
Writings isn't all dainty and merry
Nor is life a walk through the park
That doesn't make writing true to life
And they won't control my thoughts
Intelligence is what I seek
In this world of ineptitude
And raising lands for greater life
Is not life's only answer
I look at life and wish it well
I think back to other's stories of Hades
Never again will I ever detest
The lesson of "Keep fear at bay"
8/18/99; 2:07 PM
A foreign man in a foreign landWhere one is the company I keep
"Myself, I, solitary and alone" said the Journeyman
"an opportune time to contemplate."
Laughter echoes through the woods
This is something he's not used to
Their eyes are prying yet unseeing
To the mystery before them
A whisk of the wind and he's gone
Only after a while did he return
This not so foreign man to the land
The forest echo with wonder
Of why they went through such neglect
Later, the man was not foreign at all
The forest became his home
Such a sanctuary of sweet music
Only befitted his taste
But he still had much to explore
8/23/99; 12:22 PM
The cobwebs and dustThey only clog my nose
Deadening my sense of hearing
For I am without smell
Utteral confusions is divulging my mind
What a delicacy I must say
Too bad I have gone blind
Let me wallow in my filth
I had no clue it was there
And before everything is said and done
It will be enough to bear
But forgetting the reasoning
Of the mess that lies before me
It has lost all its meaning
So when can I go home?
Any place is better than here
This land of time that moves slow
I want to go home
To the land of beauty and my beloved
Oh if only I could get what I wanted
Than this just wouldn't have to be
To the far off prairie land I'd sail
To return to the land of buzzing bees
I can't wait for that time again
That fleeting time to flee
So that I may finally be free
8/23/99; 1:44 PM
A final shake of the stickThe fruit fell from the tree
Worms lost the fight of their life
And they fell all over me
Worries, troubles, thoughtless lies
Besieging my mind
Beating me dry
Happenings, hardships, and trouble abound
Hit the ground
Cuz I'm running out of town
My tailspin may I miss
My mind is a mess
One that no one wants to see
Least wanting is I
But it's not my choice
A shadow enveloped the sun
It used to shine on me some
Warming my chills till I ran inside
Skies try to break without hope
But I can't take it anymore
8/23/99; 6:44 PM
They tapped on my shoulder againAnd the tears fell from my eyes
Again I swallowed my sorrow
Again I bid my somberness goodbye
I snatched up my stick
They told me it was the best crutch
Something that I had to hold on my own
And something that held me when I was alone
A trusty partner, never falling astray
Leading me down the unbeaten path
And keeping my legs under me
Where crutches before had enjoyed whipping them out
But that's because I didn't know hot to work with them
My bones clutch to the old ashe crutch
It needs me like I need it
Spending its life only to give
And having a will such as that
It is one to be envied
Why carry my crutch wherever I go?
"Your legs are fine, and there is no snow" they tell me
I keep it as a reminder
A token of conceit and consideration
Words will never tell how much I appreciate it
But it has gotten me walking again
8/24/99; 2:11 PM
Harps with nine stringsOne is always never heard
An octave makes eight
But the ninth's thunder can be heard
Thunderous yes, but that's why it was tossed
It wasn't appealing to the rest
And the harper found the string pointless
It's very hard to tune
And doesn't look as beautiful as others
-PLUCK- and down the can it went
Falling with a twang
Hitting the ground with a twitch
Never again was it to flinch
Until someone threw it again
Buried, scruffed, and scuffled
Regardless, the string tried to sing
No one remembered how to play it
And they didn't want to try to learn
So the ninth note was forgotten
If Everything in Life was a Sonnet
8/24/99; 6:50 PM
If everything in life was a sonnetThe world would be love and bliss
You could have anything the way you want it
And the crowds would want your kiss
Life would indeed be beautiful
The sun beaming through the sky
And spring blooms would be in full
Their fragrance would make you high
Never would a look of sadness
Condemn that child's face
Only your perpetual kindness
Would make the child's heart race
Let these fantasies be real, and one thing would remain true
Amongst all these sonnets would be my love for you
8/25/99; 9:51 AM
The arm quiversBreaths get shorter
And the pen falls from the hand
A dizzying spell has been cast
And the victim collapses
Pain rushes away through the fingers
It leaves for an eight-hour break
And its absence leaves a void
That only the dreams can take
But pain has no time to leave
The head shoots back up
A loud gunshot of a sound could be heard
Such a noise last only an instance
And so does the victim's awareness
The arm is limp
And the breaths are long
But everything is peaceful
The void is filled with wonderful dreams
Of the victim's only hopes
And he doesn't want to be healed
8/26/99; 6:13 PM
I ain't gonna be depressed no mo'Life's gotta move on
And get with the show
I ain't needn' it no more
Cuz I ain't getting it anyway
Life's a bore
But I'll get over it
I don't want any more
But they'll keep dishn' it
Life is too much for me
But I'll get over it
Slap on a smile
A happy face will make it all go away
On the outside, and that's okay
People won't worry about you
That's good, cuz pity askers
Are at the end of all the jokes
Nope, I ain't gonna be depressed no more
Cuz depression is all I know
8/26/99; 9:53 PM
That dream has pastHopes of starry nights under the heavens
Dashed by the rain
Of turmoil of fearful sadness
And lost in the vast oblivion above me
Transfixed in its place
The gargoyle couldn't move
And it was battered by the rain
Only then did it hope that it would hail
So that it could be smashed into powder
I was sitting alone
Watching the stars make their trek
I never noticed them move
Still lost in my own imagination
Trying to remember the dream
Of my love's infatuation
"Love,
Who is it meant for?
What does it mean?
Was it meant for me?"
I cry out in agony
And then I scream
8/28/99; 11:49 PM
Lackidasically I stumble through the moundsI'm grinded down by me search
All these years
Of heartless dreaming
Only now I realize it was a hopeless quest
I'd see the rain
But my windows are fogged
And passing cars are blurs of light
They hurt my eyes
As I wither in demise
Too late to realize I don't know
I've given up my hopeless quest
My defroster can't clear the fog
To the east I look in hope
And find a mass of green and brown
I run into the forest
8/29/99; 9:39 PM
A gust of wind rushes through my hairChilling me for an instant
The party members looked bewildered
By the horrified look on my face
"Are you sure that was an instant?" I asked
They reassure me
But I know they're wrong
Only slow times pass that fast
And the memories in my head
Beat my brain for hours
My breaths swallow the air
I blink,
And like that it's over
The images are gone
But the memories linger
Like photographs set to fire
Someone awakens me from my dream
Again they prod the matter
Wondering what is in my head
What sick incantation am I to pull
"Worry not my friend," I tell him
"It was just the month of August."
8/31/99; 2:32 PM
"I broke the window!I don't care what you think
Yes, I took the brick
Heaved it into the heavens
And the clouds began to break
Arrest me, beat me if you will it
Your will is more than mine
But in my attempt to escape one last time
I tried to see the sky
And a surreal picturesque scene it was
The beauty was almost perfect
Much better than I had seen before
Maybe better than I'll see again
I know you don't want others to see it
The sky, the sign of freedom
Toss their dreams into waste why don't you?
Gray is your favorite color any
And the blue is too much for your eyes
That's right, take the gun
Point it at my head
I won't take it back
Yes, I broke the window!
And now I have found freedom."
All writings are copyright of Chris Ward 1998-1999