The Opening Night of Barnum

it's's actually over, one night of it anyhow...

Barnum - the circus musical - the giant spectical put on by the myers park theatre department was at least for one night a success. The show went well...they came, they watched, they enjoyed. that was good. it felt good to have them cheer. we actually put on a good show...maybe even a really good show. But at least for one night...the audience bought the glitz and glamour.

but there were a few mini-disaters and some screw ups... the entire table of props (including a lot of water) nearly fell completly apart. oops
Emily Rotberg was in the show...damn it
we were missing boats during one song...crap
i contantly screwed up thowing stuff...shit
my final costume sucked...shoot
people missed their scenes...urg...

and i'm sure there were others...but i don't recall them at the moment. not to mention there were others that occoured while i was changing costumes (getting naked). so at least i didn't see some of them, but overall the show went extremly well...

it was a very bittersweet night for me though. the show was great, but i wasn't giddy like almost everyone else at the end of it. i was just there...really. yes...i hugged people...yes, people kissed me and told me i did a good job, but it just didn't mean to much to me acually. i felt alone, partially because i was making myself, partially because i felt quite separated from the rest of everyone else.

as far as i can recall, only one person told me goodnight (not trying to blame anyone or anything but just thinking of something that has sort of stuck in my head), and that would be a guy named David Manners who i had to take home because he had been ditched and reditched at the show (which is a story that i will not go into here). neither of us were doing too well. i guess it's just been that this show has done so much to me, and there has been so much going on with me, especially recently, that would make this end such as what it was.

so i got home, and i was...saddened. i walked into the unlocked door to find that there was no one there to greet me. i went to my room, and eventually someone noticed that i was home. there were some more annyoances that went on, but i rather not start making such discourses.

i don't know what it is, i have no real reason that i should upset, but i have somehow found a whole bunch of fake ones to keep me sad. c'est la vie...and the show must go on. so here is to tomorrow...

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