C'est la Vie

Entry 44 - 10/25/99

When one ask one too many questions to oneself, one begins to think. Now think about me thinking too much, and you have some idea about how my day has been. No too terribly good. I may as well take from it what I can and move on.

As a matter of fact, not too much happened other than getting bitched at by someone in tech theatre, getting laughed at in gym, and being the bearer of bad news. Of course, I got my report card too. Of course, there were no surprises. My grades...FCACACAC...yay.

What special things have happened since last time. Not much really, because there hasn't been too many interesting things. I've been reading the boringest book ever The Scarlet Letter. Also, I got to watch over a bunch of little kids at church. They were all nice except for one, who was very annoying want wanted nothing but my attention. I really wanted to tell her to sit down and shut up, but I was kinder than that.

School been going well outside of the work. My Mole game for our Chemisty Class's mole day celebration is a game called "Hatian Mole Herecy!". It's based off of everyone's favorite card game, "Egyptian Rat Screw" aka "Emergency Room Service". It should bring some interesting results and very few people willing to play it. I've been able to talk to my friends, which is good. I also got an 87 on my first english essay of the quarter, 2nd highest grade in the class. That should help my grade a little. And finally, I've been able to give two presents to two friends of mine from the state fair, that only leaves one more, which I will give tomorrow. That is all, and that is that for today. Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow.

Entry 45 - 10/30/99

Things are going well, and I would've written a little sooner if a- I had the opporitunity, and b- when I did, my computer would let me. But good things have been happening latly, so now I stop babbling and start talking.

Bad things seem to be happening to people that I care about latley. Two of my friends have gone through a rather emotional breakup. I've tried to talk to both of them about it. One has been very receptive about it, and she is trying to work things out in her head. The other one, who unfortunantly I don't know so well, is having lots of trouble at the moment, both in his mind and in his beliefs. I can only wish him the best and hope that he gets better quickly.

But last night was the DPS symposium. It was fun and very good I thought. My parents were there, and even though they thought otherwise, they enjoyed what I wrote. I believe that finally they are getting some confidence in my writing ability and maybe they will become more supportive of me doing it as a career. I read four poems, Common Man, A Bright One, Two Seconds, and Reflecting. All of these (just like any other of my works) can be found in the writings section.

But the thing that surprised me the most was the amount of support I got while I was going up to read. Sure, the person who didn't know me one bit, but I got a lot of cheers from the rather sparse crowd. It was a foreign feeling to me, I didn't know there were that many people were there that actually were so excited to hear me read. Afterwards, I was told by many people that they liked my writings, and even a few people wanted to read them again. I liked the readings by Matt Brady the best, and David Gray provided the best intermission entertainment.

Afterwards, I went to a coffehouse, and of course, drank coffee related things. I didn't do too much other than have good times with some good friends. There isn't really much to talk about other than we all had much fun (for the most part). Outside of that whole head of eventfulness, there wasn't too much that happened Friday the 29th.

Entry 46 - 11/1/99

Isn't it quite an interesting feeling looking outside, seeing that it's all nice and dark, then realizing that it's only 5:30PM? I don't like it that much. Sure, it's great to actually be able to see my hands in the morning, but it isn't quite worth it when you have to have everything go so dark so early. Almost makes me feel like I've wasted a day. Actually, that would quite summarize how I feel today, that I've just wasted a bunch of time.

I don't know why I do really, I guess I shouldn't be thinking so. I got to talk to my friends, I went to a meeting, I took a test, and all that kind of jazz. But just because a day has been productive doesn't mean that it isn't wasted. I didn't get to talk to my friends for that long, and I have just not been feeling too well since about the time I stepped off the bus and into the school.

Probably the worst part of the day was the realization of the fact that I had forgotten completly about the day of my class ring coming in (isn't it just stupid how I'm getting my class ring, and I'm only in the second quarter of my junior year?). It give me the whole, "Oh god, mom and dad are going to be pissed all over again". Such is life...nowadays anyway. And one person even did tell me that I live quite a strange life. While he hardly understands what he's talking about, I would have to wholeheartedly have to agree with him. How could such a strange person not live such a strange life.

There is one thing that has been bugging me. As a matter of fact, I'm starting to get a little ancy and scared about it. Latly, I have not been albe to write. I haven't been able to get any good ideas into my head. What's strange is that usually I'll need about a four to five day break between my sperts of being able to write. Well, today I needed to, desperatly, at lunch. I sat there for ten mintues and tried really hard, then not hard, then really really hard. But it was to no avail. Nothing came to my head, nothing left my pen, and back to my bookbag went all of my stuff as the bell rang (now isn't that just poetic). Hopfully soon it will come back, but for now I have pleanty of work to do.

Entry 47 - 11/4/99

Here we go again. Once again, the point is proven of something that I have told myself many times, and other people have told me as well -"As soon as you think you know everything, you truely know nothing". I thought finally things might be going well for me...and they sort of are. But there is something that is nagging at me horribly, the fact that bad things are happening to my friends and there is nothing I can do about it.

Friends, they are what keep me going, but suddenly I find they starting to stumble and me not being able to be there to catch them. They have been there for me when I needed them (most of the time). But all of the sudden all of these things are coming up, and there is nothing I can do about them. Sure, they probably arn't my battles to fight, and most of them I'm not fighting, but I am helping them at least...some of the time. I'm letting it get under my skin though, it's starting to become too much for me to deal with, and I hope this doesn't start to give me some huge problems, even though I bet it's too late.

Then there is the matter of sleep. The past two days have gone somthing like this, from 1 1/2 hours to 8 hours. Yay! But the day inbetween was very hard to get through due to my perpetual drowsiness. But sleep isn't so important now that I'm in school, I don't need so much of it actually. All I need to do is dream.

Nothing much going on really outside of the constant stress that is trying to help too many poeple at once (here I go again), and worrying about other things. I'm still dealing with much adversity, and at the end of the school day, someone was calling to me "Chris is gay! Hey Chris! You're gay!". That only goes to show one thing...that we need to learn to be more creative...or at least origional. And I'm still having much trouble writing.

Entry 48 - 11/6/99

Home is hell, and so is many other things. Such as war, for instance, something I learned after I watched Saving Private Ryan tonight. I must say, it was a great movie, but it was quite disturbing and many other things. Quite frankly, it blew me away (and by no means is there any pun intended).

But it was hard to truely watch the movie. In the beginning, while all of the shit was going on on-screen, mom was struggling on piano, wondering why I wouldn't go in there to help her. She banged for about the first 30 minutes of the movie, then she started to do laundry. Maybe I should've moved to my room. Especially so since my dad was in the same room watching. He was laughing at some of the gore, and he was making his stupid and very inoppritune editorial comments throughout the movie. I told him to shut up repeatedly, but it was to no avail (when is telling dad to do anything ever measure up to something. That's all he does, nothing and drink). Once again, I should've moved to my room, but if I did, dad would've just knocked on my door any wonder why. It was still a good movie, but it's a shame that both of my parents had to constantly disrupt it, even though they both get really pissed whenever I make the slightest noise when they are watching Allie McBeal reruns...

I have been very pissed at my dad the past few days. I dare not speak of the situation at the moment here, but dad has been very worried about many issues latly, and it taking it out on mom and I. I've found myself twice this week wanting to actually kill him, but twice finding myself not being able to (thankfully so, for it's never worth one's excuse to murder). And all of this time, it's not just the things he says, but the implications of it (I'm fuming now just thinking about them). I will not speak of them though till one very sad thing resolves itself.

Life has been a lot of the same. Not so great days, very not happy times at home, and me starting to try to regain my composure again. Well, things arn't as bad as they seem. It's just the fact that there's a lot of everything, and I have a tendancy to deal with the bad things first. Unfortunatly, that leads me to miss many of the good things as they happen. But life is good in some light as well. My grades are doing okay. I was able to stand up to my dad this week without blowing up or getting all emotional. I get to see some of my friends at school. Sure, gym and spanish sucks, but they always will. At least they're easy. Once again, I'm babbling, so it be time to quit. Yay.

Entry 49 - 11/9/99

Today was another day. It was long, lost, found again, and very very warm. There wasn't much to it, mostly just working on a very far behind set for a play that opens on Friday (in other words, 4 days. Not too much to talk about, just a bunch of ho-hum things.

But there were a few good part to it. I got quite embarrased in History class, and got to go up to the front to say "constitutionality" five times (I butchered the pronunciation horribly). I also was informed of somthing someone said about me that I havn't heard about or seen in forvever and then some, or in other words, last year. Her name is Krishna (I never thought I'd be talking about her here). One of my friends informed me that she said the following "You know, I'm glad I dropped out of drama. All of those people are just so wierd. Like that Chris Ward guy". My friend was infuriated by hearing that. But you should know what I thought...I was proud. It's good to know that someone thinks of me that way, and I'm damn proud to think that someone would care enough to even tell all of her friends that I'm wierd. Yes, I'm wierd! Finally, people are starting to agree with me. This concludes my statment.

Entry 50 - 11/18/99

Damn, over a week, that really sucks. Well, to put it quite frankly, I'm grounded, so this will have to be quite brief. Life has been in quite a tizzy lately.

But how did I get grounded? Well, my parents got a complementative call from my math teacher a bunch of days ago. They were really proud of me, that is until they asked about how I did on my test. There were two good ones, and a 55. Well, that didn't take to my parents liking at all, so they grounded me and threatened to now let me get a drivers liscense. That threat has since been repealed, and I made my own punishment...which they're being a little lax about.

Mom has been all over the computer, so otherwise I would've updated sooner. Oh well. I saw Garbage live...that kicked ass, and was almost better than the WR5 (wait, what the hell am I saying, nothing will beat that). I also started my own school of thought/psychology (officially that is). And I also saw the play at school, "Noises Off". It was really fun, and everyone who must must go see it. That's all for now, I ought to try to update this at school though.

Entry 51 - 11/21/99

I sit here now and update this page from what must be by far the slowest computer I've ever worked on. Where am I, not school (surprisingly enough), but rather, my Uncle and Aunt's house in Richmond Va. That's right, home of what was the Confederacy, that is until they burned it down. And now I sit here while my aunt, mom, and dad discuss things that are of little consequesnce to me while my uncle sleeps in his room for the same reason. And man has a lot transpired today.

I did not sleep well at all last night. The bed was very uncomfortable in a strangley comfortable way (but not very relaxing). It was also horribly hot and sound carries well through the house. What does that mean? Mom and dad go SNORE. But I got over it eventually and had a very strange dream that I have had before about a Burger King in a movie theater. I had a huge breakfast at Shoneys (yes, too many busicts...oh well). That was ensued by seeing a rather interesting exhibit at a museum about Egypt.

Oh yes, the exhibit was crowded. Little kids scurrying about everywhere. Security people moaping around like they hate their jobs. And they even had a mummy with it's casket open. Man, that was one disgusting sight. I also saw a few cool looking statues of Bhudda in the museum, and some other Bhuddist diety who has 32 arms (by far the most impressing sculpture in the whole of the museum). It wasn't very inspirational, but it did make my feet very tired and myself very sleepy.

What has been the best part about this trip? To be quite honest, it's my Uncle and Aunt's cute little dog named Hanna. She's so sweet. She'll run up to you and just be so affectionate. And she is by far the most pitiful looking thing in the world when you start eating infront of her. She is a very nice looking gray Snouter I think. I'm not too sure, but she looks like that lead gray dog from that Disney movie that was about a whole bunch of dogs. She loves me, and I love her. Makes me really wish we had a dog. But I know that that is one thing that can never be.

All in all, it's been a pretty good trip. And I also attained a copy of the Complete works of Edgar Allen Poe, which was good. Bye!

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