C'est la Vie

Entry 37 - 10/9/99

Ahh, the weekend has finally come. Time for good sleep, and many good other things. Maybe so, for my dad is coming home after a few enjoyable days of his absecnse. Actually, Mom and I spent some quality time together yesterday which was good (and a little surprising now that I think about it).

Mom and I went to look at some paintings of a person she knows. They were very nice, and I never thought there would be such a good painter in Charlotte (look at what I get for assuming). But afterwards we went to a restaurant and had some dinner. We talked about many things, and we actually had a livly conversation. We complained about dad, she complained about David, I talked about how funny people are at school for trying to be cool, and other things of the like. I learned a lot that night, mainly though, some things never change.

Even more good news came from yesterday, a very boring day in school because as you've heard me say many times, B-Day suck royally. But a good thing happened on the bus, someone new is riding, someone I know, and she is actually tolerable and sane. Truthfully though, she is a friend of mine, her name is Erin. Yay! That makes a total of 3 other people on the bus reguarly that I can talk to and keep my attention off of the assholes on the bus.

Yesterday did have a slightly tragic occourence though. I was taking a relativly easy pre-cal test in math class, and my math teacher steps up. He tells the class in mid test that the test proabably won't count because everyone in the class before did so bad on it. Lets put it this way, the class before made 50 or below, now that's bad. And I thought the test was easy (even though I dare not say it in that class). I also agrivated my Chemistry teacher a little by writing poetry on the board in Norse Figures, which was fun, but very taxing on my arm

If all my hopes and dreams come true this weekend (which they won't, what a surprise), then I will be a very happy camper. But I guess I'm just stuck doing a lot of homework and reading. At least I'm going to go see Assassins again tonight. Too bad it's with my parents though, but such is life.

Entry 38 - 10/11/99

Things were looking wonderful for the day before the psats, until a few things happened that made it crumble apart.

For starters, my parents got on my nerves quite a bit again. They smacked me in the butt, again...and this time I adressed it to them. I know that that was probobably done to them as a sign of affection, but it just doesn't settle well with me at all. They said they'd stop doing it, but the sheer fact that it took so long to convince them, and their lack of care about the fact that it makes me feel uncomfortable is outright...well...bad.

I've also noticed that latly I havn't been able to get my points across well with people I'm talking to. Are my communication skills deteriorating, or am I really just bad at relating to people. It really has hit close to home latly, where I've tried to talk to a friend of mine, but have failed. I just havn't been able to relate with her, both of us being rather distracted on other things. It's truely a shame because we used to be able to talk to each other so well. Now it's like we're talking at each other.

But, life moves on. I am taking a very important test tomorrow, and I need to put all of these "lesser" burdens to the side for the time being. Now is a time where I truly need a good night's sleep and pleanty of focus.

Entry 39 - 10/12/99

Man...standardized testing sucks. It isn't stupid, but it sucks. It's sooo borings, and the readings are bad, and the math is waaay to easy (mind you, that is still a good thing). I must say that I picked the wrong day to get a good night's sleep, and that would've been sunday night. That night, I slept perfectly. Last night, I was tossing and turning in my bed until at least midnight. But I was awake and alert during the test, and that is what's important.

Spanish and Chemistry sucked as usual, such as B days too. And of course I don't get to have my better B-Day classes on my b-days. Such is life, and life is moving on...again.

But the DPS (Dead Poets Society) was quite fun...as usual. And I impressed myself and some other people with the only good poem that I've writting during the past few weeks. It's called A Bright One, and I'm too much of a lazy bastard to link to it here. You know where to find it though...right? I also wrote stuff, and got to hear other people's poems, which were good. And then there were the two group poems. The first one was great, but then it lost all of its meaning when someone (who will forever remain namless) killed the little crane (the bird) that I put into the poem. The second one still rocked though.

That has been my day. Quite ho-hum, move along now sirs. Oh, and by the way...have a nice day ye who reads this. At least I know that someone might be paying attention.

Entry 40 - 10/13/99

Today is the day when it happens. Today I come clean, and have my soul stripped away from me. Today, I die...on the inside, where the worst strikes can possibly come. Finally, I will tell my parents of English, which I may or may not be failing, but for all intents and purposes have. For...I have failed myself.

Today was a good day, actually, it was a great day. It's a shame to have such a wonderful day be ruined by the facts of life. But it is my fault and my undoing. I was the one who left my paper at home, and now I will be the one to suffer the consequences. I even got to miss most of gym today. Yes, it was that good. Practically three straight periods of theatre (or, to put it in other terms, four and a half straight hours of theatre).

And now the end has come. The end of it all. The life for the living and my prize for winning. Funny how I dropped out of IB to get better grades, and now things are looking worse and worse. They never said AP would be a cakewalk. They never said life would get easier once one hits 11th grade. Why can't I just take care of myself more and not slack off so much. I know that wasn't the case for english (for damn...I have worked my butt of to try to raise that grade), but other classes, such as Chemistry and Spanish could've used more effort. Good enough truly isn't.

But this is somthing my parents must know before report cards come out. I don't want to hear it all at once. Now I am truly concerned. For the first time in a long time...I am truly scared. Once again it has become a burden I must heave off my chest immediatly. Maybe things will be alright in the future. Everything does heal again and is forgotten. Looks like it's high time for my reminder.

Entry 41 - 10/15/99

I choose not to speak of the events that occoured two nights ago. Those will all be discussed in the story that I am writing and shall post when it is done. Actually, it is almost done, but it probably won't be posted until Monday, for I am going out of town for the weekend (grrr). But then again, better out of town and with company than having to stare at the walls of my room all weekend. Indeed, I am grounded, and indeed, there will be either less updates here, or much more concice ones.

Yesterday had its ups and downs. Yesterday, like today, I was awoken early in the morning by mom and dad being very loud in the kitchen. I was sleeping well last night, and the night before was spent tossing, turning, and outright not feeling good in bed (which I went to very early...but I am not to speak of those matters).

I was able to talk to some friends of mine yesterday, and that helped quite a bit to get my mind off of the subject matter at hand...the homfront. It was good, it was fun, and I am indeed looking forward to going back to school. Any place is better than this pit of boredom and other things...

Which leads me to last night, the computer was messing itself up again. And we all know who mom and dad blamed...me. Of course, I am the convinient black sheep of the family now that David is gone. They are both just about totally inept when it comes to working a computer. They can go here or there, yes, but they have no idea how it works, or in many cases why our computer performs so many illegal opperations. Once again...I found that the computer was indeed screwed. Dad started yelling (somthing that I am very quickly becoming accustomed to), and mom started yelling (ditto to that, I mean the getting used to part). Last night sucked too I guess, but home life has always sucked.

But at least I was able to deal with last night how I dealt with the night before. I was just able to...wait...don't want to give away a key point of the story. Damn. This will have to be continued Monday I guess.

Entry 42 - 10/18/99

So there I was, just sitting in class...and suddenly it hit me. And you know what? It hurt pretty bad. My head was a little sore for the rest of the period, and my eyes became slightly waterey at that instant. What was it you ask? Quite simple...hunger. All I have has today in my stomache is hunger. No matter what I eat, hunger. What do I yearn for?

And then there was school today. It was good, except for the bad parts of course. There wasn't much to it. Just a lot of assigned reading, a po(o)p test in Math, getting my grade in Chemistry, and Spanish...which as always sucked. Of course, this isn't all bad news. I got an 80 in chemistry (BIG sigh of relief), and I had a wonderful ride on the way home from school. Then again, it's always wonderful because I'm always so glad to get out of Spanish. That was enough about today, now to catch up on older times.

This weekend was fun, except for the bad parts. I got to spend some good, quality time with my brother. I even got to stay with him at college for a few hours, which was fun. I went to the state fair, not much to that either. Just a bunch of people crowding a small place. And there was the tractor pulling...damn those red-necks. They say that 80% of the nation is redneck...and I'm starting to believe them. Those damn things were loud, annoying, and outright smelly. The ride up sucked, and the ride back was halfway good, until I had to ride with my parents again. There wasn't much to the trip, but it was better than being at home staring at a white wall.

But there is a wonderful moral to this weekend, which I learned while in Greensboro getting breakfast. Never eat breakfast at McDonalds, mostly so when you order a Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit. I know I never will again, for I was sick for the rest of the day. In conclusion, I will never eat at McDonalds again willingly or by my choice. Remember this, and keep it in mind next time you bypass a Bojangles at breakfast time.

Entry 43 - 10/20/99

Life, it trickles down the line. Here and there and everywhere. Somtimes it's good to me, somtimes not as good as I'd like. And you know what? Right now, things are looking good for once. Yes, for once, and for the first time in a long time, yesterday I had a good day both at school and at home.

But last night I also had somthing that I hadn't had in a very long time, a nightmare. It was really bad, and just the thought of it brings the painful beating back in my brain. To put if briefly, there was this guy who was out to kill me and somone else as brutally as possible. I fought him, and was severly wounded in many places (which really hurt might I had. That's one downside of having such realistic dreams, you can feel the pain). I saw the guy brutally, almost ritualistically killing the other person that was with me, I think that she was a girl, but I don't remember. I stumble my way outside, knowing that I had to escape. But I knew at the same time that my blood was leaving me quickly, and the hand of death was about to tap me on the shoulder. Suddenly I looked up and saw the sky, bluest as I've ever seen it, and the sun was blazing with it. I said "Fiannly, he'll take me back!" with my arms outstreached (yes, sort of like making myself into a cross). I started to be lifted up, and then noticed that it was sort of going to one of those "light at the end of the tunnle" scenes. Feeling fear that I might actually be leaving this mortal coil, I woke myself up. And when I awoke, everything in my body and mind was telling me that I was asleep. Even I myself said that I was indeed still asleep. The very first thing I did was lift my head up high and look around, and the very second thing I did was plop back on my pillow. I didn't go back to sleep again for another hour.

As for today's occourences, I've picked the poems that I'm going to read at the DPS symposium, and I have shown them to some other people to see which ones they think are the best. I think that's for the best, for quite frankly, my views are quite, well, messed up.

Speaking of messed up, there was a small incident that happened yesterday that went into today. We were talking about the play "The Glass Menagerie"(I have no clue how to spell that). Discussion lead to what we though the Glass M... represented. I said that it was sort of like the Easter Bunny of Santa Clause. My little 20 second tirade went on until I got a good laugh out of the class by mentioning somone telling a little kid "No, that isn't the Easter Bunny. That's just some guy in a big bunny suit." "No it isn't mommy!" " Yes it is, I just saw him taking a smoke break.". That brought me many questions after class, but they pale to one that I got today. "Chris, did that really happen to you?". My response, "No, it didn't. He wasn't taking a smoke break...". That lead to other questions about what the guy in the bunny suit was doing. I laughed it off. The art of BSing sure is fun.

Yes, that's what life for me has been latly, fun. At school, it's been very good, and at home...well...it's been as good as it could be at the moment. All I can do is count my lucky stars for that.

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