C'est la Vie

Entry 21 - 9/6/99

Yes, I do work on Labor Day. Today isn't the holiday, that was the weekend. Aren't we supposed to sleep on holidays? Obviouly not.

This weekend started with me visiting my friend JT on friday. This was significant because this marks the first time I had been to his house since a really bad conflict between some higher powers. We had a very good talk, and now everything is starting to become much clearer to me. I am starting to realize more things about what I've done in the past, and what I should do in the future, and how lucky I really am (now isn't that easy to forget?).

The next two days were spent going to visit my sister in Raleigh for her 30th brithday. That was sortof fun, but got boring towards the end. I got to see my brother though, which was cool. We talked a little, and rode up there together. I let him hear one of my stories, and he really likes it. I'm going to do a lot with it...this should be fun.

And then there was dinner that night. Let me tell you what I ate...some big shrinp, a crap claw, some very filling french soup, three crab cakes, mashed potatoes (about a cup of it), crab stuffing, two glasses of coke, and some other things that I don't remember. And it was all so good! I haven't been hungary since then, and I am typing this up at 7:50PM.

And this weekend is going to be interesting as well; to say the least. I am going to the Greek Festival in Charlotte this Saturday with some friends, and guess who is comeing. Desi. I wonder how it will go, because I haven't talked to her in almost two weeks, and the only time we actually "talked", it lasted for about 15 seconds. She didn't seem to be doing to well about something, or at least didn't want to talk to me. I hope things are alright. But that is a fight I'll have to deal with later, because I have a four day week of school to deal with before Saturday comes around.

Entry 22 - 9/7/99

Oh my god! Is this sudden feeling I'm having a sinking feeling, or is it the possible realization that I have just wasted a lot of time. Before all of you kiddies out there get overly curious, let me explain.

This is a story about me, and someone who will forever remain nameless...but we'll call her Kim. She called me today, and I was a little suprised, for it was right when I walked in the door. What did she talk a lot about though, her new flame of course. Yes, Kim got a new boy toy, and he is everything I am and better (or so her words told me after I pieced pieces together). This I all already knew though...wouldn't anyone who thought the same do the same thing? That's not what's angering me though. It's Kim's lack of care in telling me all sorts of things, or making them painstakingly obvios. Sure, that can be forgiven. I have forgiven her too many times though. Kim did something with her new flame today that was quite natural for a couple. What is my problem you ask? Simple, after I tell her that I've figured it out (she was playing some sort of guessing game with my head) I joked about it for a minute, then she talked about how good it was! Oh the shame! That is something you don't do...no no no indeed! This new one must be quite wonderful to Kim, and her to him. I'm sure they will be very happy together for quite some time. He is that much better than me that all of the sudden she's willing to throw all of this "care" she had for my feelings out the window and talk about it for quite some time. Grrr...why am I not surprised. Why should I never be surprised. I'll get over it eventually...but it has me just a little steamed that she would talk about such a thing like that to me. Makes you wonder doesn't it?

What else has happened today? Not too terribly much really. I got home, I did homework. I got bitched at by my parents. You know, the usual day. Like I said, I have a whole week to fight though, and I'm already losing ground.

Entry 23 - 9/8/99

My mind is running off in a million places, as usual. But this time, it is running in opposite directions, and you know what this means? Owwww!

Today hasn't been good at all. There is that chip on my shoulder (more like burning burden in my chest) about yesterday. I realize I was a little bit of a baby about it (talking about last entry) but I do know a few things. I know why we broke up (both sides now) and I know that things don't make any sense in the onlookers mind...as usual. I talked to a few people about it today, and the few who cared to respond were somewhat in denial about my conclusions on the situation.

That is my emotional burden for the day. Next comes physical burden. After lots of lifting heavy things in Tech Theatre, followed by walking around in the hot sun in a black shrit in gym, I was very tired. Then the teacher ask me to put up the basketball goals, which involves an rolling an old rickety cable with an even worse crank. I am quite tired indeed.

These things always come in threes don't they? The final one being mental burden. Homework, and lots of it. All four of my classes have homework tomorrow, and I have only started today. It consist of over 15 pages of book work, and even more reading. You know I'm looking forward to it, and I ought to get back to it as well.

Entry 24 - 9/10/99

Wow, my computer didn't crash. Why am I not surprised? That isn't even anything important to me though, and not too terribly much has happened to me lately.

What have I been doing since I last wrote? I was made fun of my some kids at school for reading poetry. In retort, I went up to them and read them a few things. They tried to make fun of me but they were obviously embarresed. Also, two people have wanted to get in a fight with me for the past three days. It was funny at first, but now the guys are starting to get very annoying. I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Maybe someday they will realize that I don't want to fight.

Interpersonally? Why would anyone be interested in that? Not too much has been going on. I've talked to a few friends of mine, and I've gotten over my situation with...well, you know who. Life is moving along fine, except for my classes, which are getting a little stressful. Talking to my friends has helped that burden, namely JT, Thomas, and Masha. Days are getting better.

And tomorrow? That should be fun and interesting. I am going to the Greek Festival...and I actually get to have the food this time! Yay! I also get to meet....(ahem)'s new flame. I hope he isn't an asshole or a jerk or whatnot. Oh well. Like I said, my life is like a skipping record player right now.

Entry 25 - 9/11/99

Ahh, today was indeed a good day. I went to the Greek Fesival in Charlotte with some friends and had fun. I also visited my friend David Gray's house and played with his overly energetic dog Daisy.

Greek Festival, the thing I've been talking about all week, and I'm sure no one has taken any interest in. Too bad, because I'm still talking about it! It was very hot (I wore a black shirt, silly me). The food was good, but made me sick because there was too much sugar. I also got to meet (I'll say it now) Desi's new boyfriend Jeremiah. He seemed to be a nice guy, for the most part. He did appear to be a little possesive. I must say he was quite a bouncing ball of energy, and he was exactly how I imagened him phisically, except for his blond hair, which I thought was black. I tried to look into him (see into him, as in see what he's all about), but he conciously repelled me, which wasn't much of a surprise. He didn't leave a wonderful impression on me, but I'm sure that's only one side of him. And not once did my temper stir or flare, which was a good sign.

I also got to talk to some of my other friends that I don't talk to too much nonadays. They are doing well, for the most part. It was a very good experience because now I know that they really care. Even Desi, who when I left seemed to forget about something for an instant, then remembered (I'll let you the reader figure it out). But I forgot to give her her book back that she let me borrow. There will be other opporitunities though.

And by the way, happy birthday Masha!

Entry 26 - 9/15/99

A long time ago I would have cracked under this form of pressure. But yesterday and today, I just trudged through it with my head low, in both meanings of the word.

One of the worst feelings I've had today was when both of my parents showed up at home before 4:00PM. That made me really agrivated because I was very stressed and wanted some time alone. But that didn't happen. My parents have been stressing me out yesterday and today. All they want me to do is work, but when it's convinient for them. And I have had a lot of work.

I don't usually do my work like I should, but I did last night. I was up until after 1:00AM with my parents telling me to go to bed (rather sternly might I add). I was already feeling bad, even though I don't know why. Just one of those mood swing things everyone has at my age...or any other for that matter. I haven't been able to talk to hardly anyone too much lately. But, I did get to talk to my good friend Meg who I hadn't talked to in a long time. We had a very good talk.

This morning, something very strange happened. While I was walking to my usual place where I do my homework in the morning, I heard screaming. But it didn't come from anywhere in particular, and it sounded like one of the most utter pain. My oppinion, I think it might be the land screaming or warning me of somthing. It felt very strange outside when I stepped out of class from 8th period today. Then again, I am just a crazy fool aren't I?

Also, I got an e-mail from Desi today, who finally read my page after a good while. She seemed to be rather upset about what I posted about her. The message pretty much said that I am quite an emotional person (true), that I deal with things way too hard (true), and that I should have told this to her face or one the phone at least (true). I would have told her off or how I felt, but I didn't really feel like it because I would have been way too angry, and Desi, you wouldn't want that. Also, do not forget that this is a page of my life as I see it. I can understand how you would be offended by me posting this (I knew you would be, and I would be too if I was in the same position), but that was how I felt and I felt like typing it up here. And one other thing, I've gotten over it.

Entry 27 - 9/17/99

This is a little thing that we call a downward spiral. Things are good, then they don't look so good, then they arn't good, then things don't look so bad, and suddenly, they're worse. What a week to not have a good week, a good day, or hardly even a good time.

And what a ferocious storm Hurrican Floyd was. I only lost sleep because my parents made me sleep in the most uncomfortable bed in the house. The next day was bright, sunshiney, and very boring. My parnets have been at my throat lately too. Last night they were so horrible upset because my room wasn't clean I had been working on my homework past 10 PM. And on the day Floyd struck, dad called and asked if I was okay, and if I was home, and then he said "Good, I'm in the driveway now. I'll be in in just a minute".

One of my friends told me that my dad truely loves me because he did that. I beg to differ...sure my dad may love me, but can a love so conditional truely be called love? If it can, then it will be very hard for me to believe.

I've also found it harder and have had very little time to talk to my friends. Too much having to work on other things. Or better yet, fufilling my obligation, not my obligation to do my parents bidding, but rather my obligation to make them shut up. I have had the very strange feeling of loneliness envelop me this week, and I have no clue how I am going to shed it.

School has been hard, and life has been even harder, but I think I am starting to figure out just what my voices are. I have three moods, psycotic, psyciatric, and psionic. Me, my own origional voice is the psycotic one, one of my voices is the psyciatric one, and the other is psionic. Maybe I'll learn somemore someday. But knowing my luck, I'll only develop a few more and trudge through life.

Entry 28 - 9/22/99

Ahh, finaly some free time after a very somewhat hectic and partaly enjoyable time since I last wrote. I did many things, mostly pretaining to homework, yardwork, and other work. But, I also went to WR5...which was absolutly positivly...fun.

But that was the weekend, this is today. Today has been very dull, and rather sad so far. Spanish was very trying because all I wanted to do was get out of there, but the clock was ticking slower and slower. The spanish teacher went up to me and said "What's wrong Chris?". I told him that I was very sleepy, for I was and still am. Then he said "Well, you know, your brother is quite a bouncing ball of energy." I told him that my brother was in college. He didn't believe me. What a day it has been indeed.

What else, what else. Not much else truely, other than one of my friends is starting to scare me a little. His name, Alex Sirokey. His problem, the recent power trip he's been having since winning a debate tournoment. He told me that I was one of the chosen ones to "fix" society. I told him otherwise, but he said "That's only because you haven't lost your superego yet and therefor have not reached your full potential." I believe everything must exist in balance, he obviously believes otherwise. I'm sure that his oppinion won't be changing any time soon.

I also auditioned for a play yesterday called Noises Off. It's a play within a play, and it sounds like it will be very funny. I believe I might have actually done good enough to get a part, but there is also the problem of there being so few parts that may keep me from getting in. I can only hope for the best and not count my chickens.

Tomorrow will be better, it has to be. It will be an A day, and A days are generally good and always better than B days. But all I want to do right now is roll around in the grass, so that's what I'm going to do.

Entry 29 - 9/23/99

I don't feel like typing this again, so if you truely want to know just what happened today, go here
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